I like pumping iron…

posted by hervatski on Thu, 10/21/2010 - 00:00

I don’t pump iron as much as I just kind of, move it around.  Also, not trying to toot my own horn, but once I gain a muscle it takes awhile for it to go away if I don’t use it.  That’s how Croatian people are built: like work horses.

Most Croatian people are built to the point that you just want to throw some ropes around them so they can pull a plow.  And we’d pull that plow man, we ain’t lazy!

My point here is, I’m hungry for turnips?

Remember those plastic skates they used to make?

posted by hervatski on Wed, 10/20/2010 - 00:00

Where you’d push off on them and go MAYBE 7 inches forward?  And they made the most HORRIBLE sound on the concrete?

Fuck those things.

Toilets have been giving me problems…

posted by hervatski on Tue, 10/19/2010 - 00:00

for a long time.  I’ve never met a toilet I can’t clog.  No, not because of the monster shits.  The toilets welcome them.  No, because of the insane amount of toilet paper I use.  I just…I wonder how people use like, 2 squares.  Does that mean a 4 pack of toilet paper lasts them 8 years?  I go through a roll a day!  And that’s without eating anything with fiber!  Man, I make the quilted northern people a LOT of money.

The water is NEVER warm…

posted by hervatski on Mon, 10/18/2010 - 00:00

I’ve never stepped into the ocean and thought “Wow, I’m going to just jump right in!” No.  Every time the thought is, “Wow, if I go in any further my nuts will implode in on themselves.”  I have something weird with me in terms of hot and cold.  I can’t stand hot or cold things in my mouth.  I can eat spicey food like nothing, but very mild food that’s oven hot?  Forget it.  I love warm things though, like mittens!

I like trunks…

posted by hervatski on Sun, 10/17/2010 - 00:00

They’re like wearing boxers, but acceptable in public.  Sadly, I don’t have the body to wear boxers and have women throw their vaginas at me.  Vaginas detach, if you didn’t already know this.  Or is that a shoe?  Shoe, vagina, same thing if you think about it.

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